Fashion – Onesies, just say no

Onesie – an all in one garment designed for INFANTS.  Designed for those who buttons are a struggle and laces a challenge.

These two onesie addicts… I’ll allow it.

I’m not going to sugar coat this post in anyway so proponents of the adult onesie best look away now…

Ok, tirade begin.

The Onesie is the worst fashion trend to hit the streets ever, worse than snap-pants, worse than parachute tracksuits, worse than corduroy (which I personally love).  When this trend first emerged last year I shook my head and put it down to “those crazy kids” and shut my eyes and waited for the storm to blow over.  This winter my main shopping haunts have been inundated with disturbingly large onesies, complete with adult poop chute in the back… I must take a stand for the good of humanity.

The “poop-chute”.  If you need one of these in your outfit then you probably should wear something else….
So having done a bit of research, the main driver for those backing the onesie trend is comfort.  “Oh you have no idea what you’re missing”, “Oh it’s so warm”, “Oh I’m so comfortable”.  Well do you know what else is comfortable sister?  Good ol’ fleecy trackpants!  And just so we are clear, it’s your shame and humiliation that heats you like a furnace and not the onesie keeping you warm!  By gosh if it’s really comfort you are after then what’s next?  Drinking warm milk from a baby bottle, that seems like it would be quite comforting and will be the perfect accessory for your giant baby costume.

The first time I laid eyes on an adult onesie was about 10 years ago when I visited Japan.  I organised to sleep on a friend of a friend of a friends lounge room floor for a night and that’s when things got weird… This lovely sweet Japanese girl donned a fluffy Pikachu onesie and proceeded to sleep on the floor with me.  If being spooned by a full grown woman, sweating inside a polyester Pikachu romper is not enough to turn you off onesies for life then I don’t know what will!


I digress, the second argument supporting the onesie is the “it’s so cute” factor.  Say what?!  You are a full grown adult in babies clothing, I don’t think you are cute, I think you are creepy with a weird fetish.  Men, the onesies show me way too much of your junk, ladies this outfit makes you look like a lumpy Michelin Man.  Couples who wear onesies together… well the first thing that pops into my head is you either have no sex because you both look like half melted crayons or you have a LOT of sex… weird kinky sex which involves one of you dressed like this…

Friends, it’s time to take a stand.  Just say no to the Onesie!

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